As many celebrate the recently announced price-drop for the newest version of the iPhone, others view the publicized changes to the high-tech mobile phone in a much darker light. Reginald*, a night clerk at 7-11 and part-time doomsday cultist, claims that Steve Jobs’ recent announcements have put humanity in very real danger.
Reginald stated that “I think it goes without saying that the iPhone 2.0 is going to attract extraterrestrial attention from nearby galaxies,” before going on to point out that “these aliens, jealous of our technology, will most likely enslave mankind before feeding us to their larva.”
When not forecasting the gruesome demise of our species, the pimple-faced prophet enjoys reading graphic novels and translating Japanese Symbols.
*Names changed to protect the innocent
